Her A-Z of Personal Style

Style isn't just about what you wear.

A—

Attaché case—sounds so much more elegant than a briefcase. There are some great vintage attachés to be found. They're usually quite old and well-worn, so the leather is perfect. This is an ordinary accessory I'd like to see more of but used and dressed in a not-so-ordinary way.

Acrylic—No sweater or other piece of clothing should be made from this. It pills, stretches, and actually stinks.

B—

Breakfast—If you don't have time for a sit-down breakfast, you better reexamine your life—enough said.

Black - There have been many great quotes about the colour black. It is a colour, and it's my favourite. In his book, The Little Dictionary of Fashion, Christian Dior simply says under the heading of B, 'I could write a book about black.' I recommend that you have one in black for everything in your closet. I recently lost about 95% of my wardrobe (long story), and because most of it was black, I could still go out for interviews, dinners, and events looking put together.

C - 

Curves - Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive. There's a whole song about that. Sure, my husband has lovelier legs than I do, but he doesn't have a waist or butt like mine - sorry, honey. Our curves are what set us apart. May I direct you toward the winding curves of Ms. Monroe & Ms. Russel in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

Compliments - We all like to receive compliments, but so few of us give them. When you are the recipient of a compliment, say, "Thank you." Don't get into a discussion pointing out the negative. For example, "I love your dress." --> "Oh, this dumpy thing? I've had this forever!"

Confidence - Confidence is the most important thing you should learn. Confidence is sexy. Don't ever let anyone take that from you.

D - 

Demi Cup - Whoever designed the bras that are out there today should be strapped in a padded bra straight jacket and put into solitary confinement. Why would I want padding up to my collarbone? Or padding at all? My bra of choice is the demi cup. Accordingly, they've disappeared and have been replaced by these football shoulder-padded monstrosities I'm supposed to strap to my chest. Maybe I'm happy with the size and shape of my breasts as they are. Heaven forbid. Anyway - the demi-cup is a sexy little bra that lifts and cups. The demi cup gives the gals a little jiggle instead of a lot of stifle. I found some great ones at Agent Provocateur the other day, along with some sexy wireless ones that are also impossible to find in mainstream shops.

E—

Etiquette—I'm currently reading Emily Post's Etiquette, and to tell you the truth, I'm feeling somewhat embarrassed about some past situations. The book is worth a look. It's in the library and probably last checked out a long time ago.

F-

Fabrics—It's important to know which fabrics flatter you. For example, velvet, satin, and corduroy add weight. Lace and jacquard can only be worn by certain people without looking sleazy or elderly.

G - 

Grooming - You only make one first impression. Proper grooming takes too long? Well, imagine how long it took those people in the 1700s with powdered wigs. I'll be the first to admit it takes a long time - even to achieve the eau naturelle look. This tip fits in with the age-old saying, never leave home without clean underwear in case you get in an accident. I have my mantra: never leave home in socks with holes because you never know when you will try on a pair of shoes.

H—

hair stylist—They are your Rainbow Skittles on an Eat-More day. Before I met JD, I passionately loathed going to the salon. I'd even cut my own hair so I wouldn't have to go. What I like about JD is that he understands the importance of personal style and accentuates this in his clients. There's nothing worse than watching a makeover show that presents the made-over woman in a look that should've been her before picture.

I - 

intimacy - You've heard it before, but I'll repeat it - once we've slept with one person, we've slept with every single other person that person has been with and vice versa. If that's not enough to creep you out, how about some nice close-ups of STDs. Some STDs you can get rid of, some you can't. Talk to someone who's got one for life, and they'll tell you how awkward it can be to get back into the dating scene, let alone let a potential partner know about it. No glove, no love.

J - 

jeans - Songs have been written about these (see Dr. Hook's perversely titled Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk). Women buy so many shoes and bags because jeans don't fit properly - my husband believes this, too. Once you find a pair, stick with that style and brand. I've had a lot of good memories in Levi's. I've gone from the faded-out tuck-and-roll 501s in the '80s to the grunge boy's orange tab in the '90s to the boho 70s vintage 578s in the early 2000s. I'm currently wearing black Hudson skinny jeans, but they lose shape quickly.

K—

keeping your cool—is imperative. Once you lose your cool, that's all they'll see and remember. Just because you're having a bad day doesn't mean you should ruin someone else's.

L - 

Labels - You have your own style and need not define yourself with someone else's initials.

Lip balm - Use SPF at least twice a day.

Lipstick - Don't test the colour on your wrist; it's not the same colour as your lips.

Lip liner - Danger. Proceed with caution.

M - 

Moisturizer - Like your hair stylist, this can be your best friend. Like your best friend, things change over time. Finding a moisturizer that's right for your skin type is challenging, but try. You'll have clogged pores or dry patches if you don't see the right one. I've been using Avalon Organics Oil Free Vitamin C Moisturizer for the past few years and am pretty happy. I have sensitive skin and use a separate sunscreen I bought from a dermatologist. Remember, your skin changes as you age, and so should your moisturizer.

N—

No—It's the opposite of yes. It's only two letters, but it can be difficult to say. Practice saying "No" to a mattress salesperson (these are the new used car salesmen). It's quite educational listening to their many ways of handling rejection.

O - 

Obsess - Obsess is a dangerous word. Beware of it. Obsession is when your mind is preoccupied with an idea, while addiction is when your body is chemically dependent on a chemical. Obsession can mess up your life and cause things like panic attacks, phobias, and social anxiety. The best thing to do is acknowledge it when it's knocking on your door and tell it to go away. Our minds can play with us; let them know you don't want to play that game.

P - 

Personality - There are a lot of adjectives out there to describe one's personality. I was part of an exercise once where a group of us who knew each other well were set up in pairs. Each person drew a portrait of their partner. The portraits were then passed around the group, and each person wrote an adjective that they felt described the person. Talk about an eye-opener. The question comes up time and time again in interviews, "Describe yourself in five words." I can't stand that question. Wouldn't it be fun to throw them a curve ball by saying, "Obnoxious, ignorant, vain, self-destructive and underhanded?"

Purse - 

My mom carries a purse the size and weight of a bowling ball bag. I'm still determining what is in there. I only use a purse if I'm going out to a show or special event; in that case, it's a vintage one. The rest of the time, it's a wallet - I just make sure I spend a lot more time grooming that eau naturelle look before I leave home ;) Even though I don't carry a purse, I still love them. From here, I can see eleven of them in my closet.

Q - 

Quote - There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness to its proportion. Edgar Allan Poe. That has been my favourite quote my entire adult life. Find a quote that fits your beliefs, is significant, reassures you, puts you back on track or just makes you feel good. Plus, you never know when someone somewhere will ask you what your favourite quote is.

R—

Recipe—Everyone should know enough recipes by heart to prepare a three-course meal and the wine to accompany it.

Recognition—Start giving recognition to people who do a good job. Fill out those customer service questionnaires in your hotel room. Everyone deserves to be recognized, even your boss.

S - 

Slip—Wear a beautiful silk and lace slip under a dress for a day or evening out, and you'll make it a staple in your wardrobe. I think slips are sexy. Plus, it feels a little frisky knowing you have a sexy little number on under your dress that no one knows about but you.

Silk—Sure, it feels luxurious and elegant, but it also keeps you warm (that's why they make long underwear out of it), which causes you to sweat. Silk turns a darker shade when it's wet. Do you know how many silk tops I've disposed of after realizing this? Yuck. If you're going to go silk, keep it in a slip, camisole, or sleeveless shirt. Remember, it's not you; it's the silk.

T - 

Toast - Like a quote, you should have one that moves you. I love proposing toasts. It's a chance to let someone know how you feel about them, and it makes you proud to stand up and say so.

Tact—Don't ask someone why they aren't married, if they are pregnant, why they don't have children, or why they are in a wheelchair. Never tell a person they look tired or ask whether they've lost weight. Mind your own business, and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

U - 

Undress - Vivienne Westwood once said that sexiness is the most important thing about fashion because fashion is eventually about being naked. I agree. Learn how to undress as sexy as your clothes make you look and feel. Find a song - have some fun.

V - 

Volunteer - Why not? Volunteering is fun. Everyone is very grateful and polite. It's a totally different vibe than the actual workforce. It allows you to work in the industry you've always wanted to work in but have yet to get an interview for. I knew a woman who volunteered at a record label at 4 am every Saturday morning doing some sort of stats. She went from that to personal assistant, manager, and A&R, and now she lives in LA doing big wig record label stuff. All that started from volunteering one morning a week.

W - 

water - Drink it. To make it easier to track how much you drink daily, fill a 2-litre bottle (a giant soda bottle) with water. I prefer the clear ones because I can see how close I am to my goal. One of these is just about 8.5 cups. I've also read that dividing your weight by 2 gives you the total amount of fluid ounces of water you should drink daily. For example, if you weigh 120 lbs/54.5 kgs, you should drink at least 60 fl. oz/7 c./1.6 L. of water daily. If you don't like the taste of water, slice some cucumbers or lemons into it. In the evening, drink hot water with honey and lemon. It'll help you relax before you go to bed.

x—

This will be your code name, which only you and your best friend know is fake (because she has one, too). It's the alias you tell the sleazy guys. I'm Sarah.

Y - 

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<-- believe="" can="" i="" just="" span="" style="font-weight: bold;" that="" typed="" you="">Yourself - It's easy to say, but do you know yourself? We never really know ourselves because, hopefully, we're always learning and opening our minds to new things or opportunities.

Z—

zzzs—Get your sleep. As someone with insomnia, I urge you to cherish your ability to sleep and not take it for granted.