31 Things I Will Not Wear

'by me age 10'

Fashion week always makes me hate fashion. I can't look anymore - what's with these 'street' style photos I'm being bombarded with from Mercedes Benz Fashion Week? That's not 'street' style - those people are posers (they are dressed that way to get their photo taken) or worse yet, models planted by designers for marketing. Anyway, what this post is supposed to be about is what I will never wear. You know, those things that are wonderful on other people but can't touch me with a fifty foot pole. I'd like to add that I wear numerous items I can guarantee a lot of folks would never wear (ie Birkenstock Arizonas ).
  1. denim skirts
  2. red - makes me feel like Kelly Bundy -  red lipstick is ok
  3. corduroy
  4. a beige Burberry/George Costanza trench coat - any other color would be fine
  5. high tops - same issue with Mary Janes
  6. fur
  7. plaid fitted button up shirts
  8. cotton lycra
  9. yoga pants - hey, I practice yoga I just don't wear the pants
  10. ringer t-shirts
  11. overdyed denim with bright orange seams/disco jeans
  12. ass pants - those tight ass flare bottom downtown office lady pants
  13. Mary Janes - they accentuate my lack of ankles
  14. sheath dresses - not flattering on me
  15. 1950s - so beautiful on some women but so unflattering on me
  16. a tube top - nobody should wear a tube top
  17. felt or anything with felt applique
  18. 'flesh' tone nylons
  19. blush - 'Hi, I'm Adam Ant!'
  20. a 'blow dry' style - just because I'm blond doesn't mean I want to look like I broadcast the news
  21. cow print- think about it
  22. zebra print - is that cow print?
  23. tall cowboy boots - usually too tight on my calves anyway - I like the ankle boots though
  24. baseball cap as a fashion accessory
  25. big hoop earrings
  26. princess sleeves - I'm too old. Empress sleeves would be a different story
  27. acid wash - didn't wear it in the 80s either
  28. wrap around sunglasses - Karl Lagerfeld style sunglasses
  29. any advertising I'm not being paid for
  30. shorts
  31. anything tight and white